Discipline

Webster defines it as: Training that corrects, molds, or perfects mental faculties or moral character.

WordNet says discipline is: to train by instruction and practice; espeically to teach self-control.

Why am I 'studying' this? Well, this week, my daughter told a lie. She followed through with human nature...she didn't do her work during school today and was punished(disciplined) for this by having to stay in from her regular play time and one of her little friends, spilled the beans when I picked her up. I questioned her about this; she first said yes, I didn't do my work. I then began to explain that she was going to be punished and that she would not be able to watch her 'go-to' show---Dora! Not a few minutes later, she withdrew her confession and reported that she had in fact NOT, not done her work. Stating that she did go to the gym, and she did do her work....and with lots of other things going on..like on of her little friends pulling her glasses off and I thought that she could have possibly been removed from class for this reason, etc....so I explained what would happen and gave her a chance to tell me whatever the real truth was....so kept with her story that she did do her work, and she did go to the gym. So we proceeded and I knew that I would ask in the morning. She watched over an hour of Dora....I know that is bad...but she goes all day long too and this is her down time in the evenings and I was able to cook a healthy supper for us in that time. Anyway, at bathtime...she tells me that she actually didn't do her work and she missed gym time. At this point....I explained that she was in trouble and that she was going to have to face the music...so to speak. Having to go tell her daddy what she had done, that she lied, and that she understood what her punishment would be. She wasn't happy and she cried but overall she took it well. Justin explained that she needed a spanking for lying and I agreed but the way this whole thing unfolded....I felt like he needed to do it if it was to be done. Just didn't feel like the form of punishment to correct this, if you will. Sooo after a time, she was told that she would have to go to bed alone (without rocking, reading, or me laying down with her, etc) Then came the tears....the calculated 'What ifs' My favorite was....'What if something happens to me?' as if we were going to not check in on her. Anyway, he explained that she would be fine and to bed she went....as I was leaving her, she says: Mommy, "I said I was sorry for that" Break your heart but I knew that these are the battles that YOU HAVE TO WIN..but I do agree they are difficult to do. I took out to my bathtub and avoided the cries from her room and left her daddy to do the tough stuff. As this is where he excels much better than I.

So her punishment continues at the moment. She is not allowed to watch Dora until Friday. 3 days of punishment. 3 days of discipline! and I must say that she is handling it much better than I thought. I almost forgot that part of her discipline...is that she isn't allowed to cry when she is told no about watching Dora. This is usually what she wakes up asking and what she comes in from school asking, and what she wants just before bed....making it a good tool to teach discipline! I hope that she will learn from this that she should always tell the truth and as the week has gone, we have explained at different times that had she told the truth that it would have only been one day without Dora but that her lying about what happened made it THREE times worse. I realize that this is a difficult concept for her...but three days without your favorite thing...has to remind you that you don't want to repeat that act! I overheard her daddy asking her this morning as she was watching the NEWS with him...you do remember why you can't watch Dora, don't you? While this is like digging into a sore wound...I think with her short attention span, this is important. As much as reinforcing that telling the truth, that she has to follow the rules in all settings. If she is supposed to be doing work, that is what she needs to be doing.

Bottom line... I want her to learn early and fully....that life is full of rules; you don't have to like them...but you must respect them or be ready to suffer the consequence that follows if you choose break them.

Being trustworthy and dependable... is paramount to being successful.

That being honest has to be a part of who she is! This is a value I hope to instill in her character. After all, telling the truth in a loving way is very difficult to do.

so this week and always we are focused on being consistent in our training that corrects, molds, and perfects her mental faculties and moral character. What an important job! What an intimidating task. It is easy to see why the majority of the world is so mixed up. It is EASY to agree with and let things slide....it takes MUCH more discipline for Justin and I to do the RIGHT thing for Laila than to cave to what is easy. To correct her, to mold her, to perfect who she is...so that when we are not there..we can be confident that she WILL make the right decision 100% of the time! AND that she will be aware when she fails to and hopefully she will also know how to; as well as have the courage to...make it right!!


I could go on forever about how the moral compass of society is off. This past week in Sunday School the speaker made this point...we are not good people that occassionally make mistakes, but rather at the heart of our nature; we are in fact sinners that sometimes do good things! In arguing his point he posed the question of how often do you sit your children down and show them how to hit their sibling, or teach them to lie....it is in our nature...as we came from Adam. We are sinners...and it is a life long battle and struggle to be more like christ....he is the only perfect one, indeed!

So this week.......I am looking at discipline in a different light than I have taken time to before. Obviously these are not new concepts but when you have children, you become aware more and more each day that God has blessed you with one of his children; to have them as your own...but that with this blessing comes the job of shaping someone's moral character...if that doesn't scare the mess out of you....you might want to rethink it! Sure gives me that lump in my throat....you know...gosh I hope I don't mess this up! I sure don't want to mess this up. I don't think that everyone stresses over these 'little' things enough....If we did, there would likely be fewer problems in society. We all freak when they send us home from the hospital with these helpless creatures....but do we painstakingly obscess over all the details and daily corects as we did about those first bottles? Are they eating enough? What is that, a rash? Are they breathing? Do I? Am I missing opportunities to correct?

Read on if you desire at Shut up and Run... a running mom

One of my favorite places to visit since I began reading in blogs. She is real, she is honest, and often times funny! She is a mom who has only been running as long as I have....and boy she sure didn't take a break like I did off and on!

Many of you might not care to read on to other blogs....but still some of you might just find her interesting.



She is a runner....much more focused and disciplined and with different goals than I have, but in general her overall themes...I easily relate to(in regard to running) and I like her humor- in her story telling...so check her out if you like to read about others! I always like to see how other mothers do it...you know raise successful children, and they enjoy sharing about the special bond that mom's and kiddos share. There is a general respect for this 'society of people'...when you don't agree with all someone says or even know them but rather share common ground.





Go here to check her out at Shut up and Run! I also get the sense that this chick does not settle for excuses! Which is also a positive quality! After all, we can DO anything as long as we don't stop trying....just might take a while!

A question from Jessica's blog?

How do you answer the question, "What is Prayer?"

my answer:

It is conversation with God...it IS your relationship with him!

So what is your answer to this question?

go check out my sis-in-law's blog and play her question game!


To go there, click here!

Fall.......well not yet but oh does it feel like it today?

While it is not yet Fall out...this morning at 4:30 am when I walked out the door to meet my fellow runners...I was pleasantly surpirsed that it was cool! To a summer scorched body....it was almost cold...dare I say those words?

either way.....I love love love the changing of seasons and I didn't even always notice this! Guess I am noticably getting older! It was when I traveled that I realized that this was actually something that I enjoyed and took for granted because in Southern California...the season really never changes a whole lot...especially not on the same time schedule as it does here in the good ole south!

Well..I very much loved my morning run as I LOVE to run in the cold! It is my favorite time for sure. Especially the milder changing seasons the most. Still sweat but can breath and go farther without so much effort.

Also, even after I arrived to work today I was surprised was stil very nice out and I had several walks to go see people this morning and I was just 'soaking it up'!! I mean I even paused to take this picture...

I love what I do very much and love the people I work with and for....but even if I didn't who could resist the scenery and joy that this adds to busy work days? This is a main sidewalk that I go down everyday if not MANY times each day. October is likely the BEST time of year as far as beauty goes...so when those leaves start turning loose their leaves and the colors are changing....I will load up another imagine and share my daily dose of reminder of how truly tallented God is and how much forethought he possessed. Cool guy!

Oh and guess you noticed the change of colors..while I don't love it...that summer brightness...well it was time to go..Summer is fading and Fall is bulldozing it's way in....YES I know it will be hot for lots longer and in a day or so this peaceful wave will be gone likely...but I am just preparing for change and enjoying the nice weather...because with Fall comes WINTER...and it is cold- very cold out and it rains and is nasty and your pants legs get nasty and make you colder...etc....get my drift...with all this nice stuff also comes the extreme temperatures....too bad my clients don't know to only get sick when it is really nice out :) that would be great!

hope you are all enjoying this beautiful- almost Fall weather!

Weekends at home...

Don't you just love weekends at home? I sure do!

This weekend was filled with Laila's pop- justin's dad- returning from Iowa...his regular summer long work- trip. So Friday morning as we are rushing to get to school and work....I quickly stopped in for Laila to give Pop a hug and kiss and off to our regular routine we went.

It was a weekend with Mamaw and Papaw for Laila on Friday night and with mother at the house a few days this past week....Laila skillfully con-ed my mother into picking her up 'real fast' which means... "early so we have time before we go get the other kids at big school- which entails a trip to local Dollar General store for toys and likely candy! So with Laila being gone, mom and dad were free to do something childless! Being that it is August and that means busy days of flying(we hope) and gearing up for diggin' sweet potatoes..that being true...Justin was wiped so we opted for supper in and to bed early...yep we are getting old and he does not fight it as much as he used to either!

also on Friday Aunt Jes and Emma Cate came by ....to see all the fun things that were transformed at the house with my Aunt Ruth decorating this past week AND to reveal some big NEWS! YEP, EC was proudly sporting a 'Big Sister' shirt! She looked pretty excited about it but I think it was just because it was getting her lots of loud fun attention! you know almost two year olds love to steal the show and that she did. looking so cute...she spilled the beans....

then came Jena- other sis-in-law on Wade's side...with great news that the had Found THE dress....for her upcoming spring wedding! She was all smiles and excitement in the air....with that big purchase down and all the major things decided Wade- Anthony wedding is officially under construction.

Complete with a wedding date change....so we are now looking at May 14th and that is going to be nice and cool but pretty and think it is a great day for a wedding....plus gives everyone plenty of time to plan and get ready!

Saturday morning I woke and was out of the house by 7- meeting jena for a morning....get ready for wedding gown run! She is just starting and I was pushing a goal this weekend....and I am proud to say.....I MADE it...

4.6 miles in 53:32! Wasn't great time...but hey....I survived it and was feeling good at the end! With the house finally complete....I am back to enjoying to run and hopefully some more weight will 'melt off'

Busy Saturday morning and then off to cousin Brady's birthday party- my nephew...brother Walt and sis-in-law Leah's third born and fun child! Brady- like all the Edington kiddos is well rounded and knows what he likes...all things boy to be exact. He loves guns, guns, guns, oh and knives, knives...he used to call guns 'pows' and I LOVED that but I am sure that he is getting too big for that kind of talk! (So sad when they loose their toddler words!!) anyway, I met my mom at Brady's nannies house for a pool party...and my always ready to swim 3 year old...didn't even want to wear her bathing suit??? who knows...great party it was...it was hot, there were hot dogs, cheetos, ranch dip and kool-aid...complete with cake and ice cream and you have yourself the perfect party! Throw in a pirate pinata and you REALLY have a great time...esp since it is candy filled! AND they got to beat it until it burst!

We depart the party and head to see Pop- for a real visit and Laila was unwilling to leave Saturday!.....as her usual. Great visits and then home for an afternoon nap. After napping laila had her...I wanna see Granna melt-down and just as we recovered....Granna calls and so I give her the option of going to eat supper with me and LaLa- cousin Lauren...or to the Bentley community building with Granna....noo-brainer...I was out!

Delivered her to grands and then back home I find justin....we opt for old faithful Nancy's for supper that Lauren and I picked up and brought home. Trent, Lauren's boyfriend and fellow farmer to Justin rolled in as we were gone to town- as is usual with this time of year. He is larger farmer than justin and has been diggin' for a while now....daylight to dark and half asleep when they get back to you! By the way.....where else but Calhoun city can you live and you call in your take out order....the proprietor says....my charbroiler is broken and I only have the grill...do you still want that steak? and your husband replies " Just ask Nancy or Lee if I can just buy the meat? Are you kidding me....but I ask and they say...sure! So we pick up our supper and potatoes for the guys and too LARGE -RAW steaks! not rare....but RAW meat!

back home the grill fired up they grill steaks and all is well! LOVE Nancy's! A southern pleasure and go to for me!

Sunday was to be lazy day and it began that way.....but was completed with house full of friends and fun! Fish cooking, skeet shooting, few beer-partaking, summer night! oh and don't forget the homemade ice cream! Doesn't get in better than that.....

except for the morning rising and reality of starting my monday with FILTHY floors....something about the way the morning sun hits that stained concrete to reveal ONE MILLION dusty foot prints....but small price to pay for summer night of fellowship with friends! it is nice to finally be able to have everyone over and enjoy the kids as well!

so was a great weekend, complete with birthday party, welcome home, and family fun!

Didn't get to see my daddy but did see all the rest of our families and Laila logged some Papaw time on Friday with hot dogs and playing at the old place with her cousins....so all is complete!

Hope you all had a great fun-filled weekend too!

So what has Laila learned?

Well she is learning to write....YES write her letters....she is tracing the letter A in her work and has even managed to write it on her own some...which is cool because she only has two other letters in her name...which means....if we work on it..she will be able to write her own name in no time!

and my most recent favorite....She can consistently recite...the three states that start with A..."Alabe-ma, Ah-laska, and my all time favorite...Ar-fensaw" Yep love those words that come from her! but I am super proud that she is so smart and learning so much. Obviously I think she is the smartest kid ever...like most moms...but this has been very neat to here her repeat! Impressed and proud I am!

One other thing to note...she has finally learned to drive her barbie jeep that my parents got her last year for christmas...so with learning...came growing...since it constantly gets stuck in gravel, grass, etc..Justin up'd the speed on it and she FLIES!!! not quite sure yet that this was the safest decision...but as my daddy tells me...that is why you have two parents! I am the cautious one and Justin lets her 'live life much more freely'...which fosters independence and I REALLY want that for her ....I think my parents did this for me! But currently I have been wondering just how you make them fully independent and still protect them from all the bad!???

If I ever figure out how to post a video I will post a flash video...she is sure to go sailing off the porch sooner rather than later...she just circles the carport and she does it QUICKLY! and laughs the whole time!

The best things happen when you aren't 'looking'

This week...I got home...unloaded all that my arms could carry and coaxed Laila to actually walk into the house herself and NOT whine that I am not carrying her. (I know she needs to be more independent...and I do encourage her but there are soooo many GROWN up thigns that she says and does that I generally just give her this as 'our time' in the evenings and that is why my car looks like it does! You know...a little bit of everything left in there...just in case you 'need' it..and low and behold jsut when you break down and clean it out...well...you NEED it!)



Ok so back to my actual point, I rush into the house...trying desperately to put things where they go and not where they land...and simultaneously settle Laila into something she will do while I clean and think about just what we will do for supper. Anyway, to my surprise she chose the playroom and went all into a playtime that was great...time to make waves. So as I washed dishes and cleaned the bar for the millionth time and put things away, washed clothes, etc...she was quietly entertaining herself.

I returned to the playroom as I took a break from this nightly routine and asked what she would have for supper....she smiles and says..HOTDOG!!! shocker...but not tonight...I started in redirecting to something....anything...not hotdog...as it is her 'go to meal' I know but it is considered meat? right? Actually she eats pretty good and eats a good lunch everyday so some days...especially summer days....I don't sweat it. If we hit 4 good meals in a week for supper I feel like I won something. Anyway, I pose several ideas and she bites at shrimp...which works cause this is actually something I am just warming up from cook out last Saturday...so I return to heat up supper and add a few things and make a salad...which she really likes too...see I am not all bad! Of course she also LOVES ice cream and popcicles! But who doesn't...well that are normal anyways....She yells as I leave the room..hey momma....can I eat in my playroom.....which is a daddy no but he was going to be gone and THERE IS A TABLE in there! SO I say...yes I will eat with you and we will eat at your little pink table..I think....it is ok...she knows it is an exception and some rules are just ok to break. So back to my kitchen duties...Just before I am done with our meal...I hear an AWFUL noise from the playroom and it sounds like hardwood floors being enscribed! So I say...Laila....there is a pause...noise is over and she is silent..so at least it is over or she stopped. I take the mickey mouse plate of shrimp and sippy cup of water to the room and this is what I find!!!!!!

She looks up at me and says. 'Hey momma...I move it for you!' she was soooo proud of herself. She said....so you can eat with me' She even pulled the chair out...nevermind that she didn't think of my inability to see tv as well...but the key is...she was excited about eating supper with me in her 'playroom'.......Awe....see Daddy does not get it if he thinks that it isn't ok to break the rule and have a party with your 3 year old. She nearly broke her neck trying to watch the tv that is up high...AND we later moved it to the back wall so she could peacefully watch her movie and eat at the same time...but how sweet...that she thought she should move the table out and patiently wait for our little supper party! There are not any scratches on the new hardwood floors yet...but we have only been there 2 months...so there is more time for scratching to occur! I suppose...if there are any....I hope that there will be a great memory such as this to attach to that scratch! So in years to come...I will remember...that the best things really do happen when you aren't looking or anticipating their happening! So this day...I headed back to the kitchen, got my phone and returned to snap picture and soak up the moment of her thoughtfullness

She is a treasure and on those days I want to be beamed up...I try...really hard ,I try, to stop and find the moment in it...because she is growing up sooo fast that I don't want to miss them in the hustle and bustle of everyday stuff!

The girls....

Well, better late than never...I am still working on June Beach trip uploads! These are some of my favorites of the girls!

Emma being silly and enjoying the spray ground!

JeeJee (aunt Jena) with her girls!

clowning around!

Emma doesn't always appreciate Laila's TLC! Ha...can't imagine why?

Just relaxing....

sweet sugars!

Aunt Jes and Emma Cate!

All in all...we had a blast...we ate, we slept, we played, and ALL things girly!

Pictures from the beach...finally!

The little engine that could!

Well...Boddock was a success....no didn't make my time of 30 minutes or less....but after doing this race...well...


I am just proud to say I finished it....I didn't have to walk...and I did so in 33:30....yes three and half minutes longer than my goal....but seriously....it was up hill ALL the way almost whole time...not up hill and down....but Up, Up, and Up!

Was great challenge for me though! Glad I did it...and Yes, I will do it again....and in less than 30 minutes.

I felt very much like the little engine that could in the first hill...which was in the first mile! And then in the second and third and fourth hills that followed...Soooo many that I lost count. These hill were unlike anything I have ever done before but again....great challenge and certainly an accomplishment to say I ran the whole thing.

So that is that! All the news I have for now....


Jennifer

Tonight I run...

and yes I am THIS fast....again...in my dreams!

Nope, I am not particularly fast...actually not fast at all...but a finisher I am...

and tonight i am doing something I have never done before...

I am running at night in a race.

It is hotter than blue blazes, it is MS for goodness sakes! It is August and it is likely going to rain....which will help to cool things down...or just steam them up. Nevertheless...I will set a new personal record...for this race....and I have never ran it before so anything I do it a PR...

But I am putting it out there....I have never ran a 5K distance in less than 30 minutes and if I were going into this with a goal...it would be to do that. I know I can but it all depends on how things fall into place. Every person I have talked to has said that this race is rough and difficult and even that they would just not do it again....ever...which is crazy..it is only 3 miles...not a half marathon...but coming also from someone that has never ran it. It sounds easy from description...so here goes nothing. I am putting myself out there and saying...I would be tickled pink to finish it in less than 30 minutes...so as I close to the end of this race....and I check my time and my reserve...maybe having to report here...will help to push past and do better than I have before.

We shall see....either way I will be proud to finish in whatever time.

Stay tuned to find out just how I did end up doing...

for now I am just looking forward but nervous about stepping up to the front, nah scratch that...back of the pack-line and setting out to run! When you first start off it is just hard to hold yourself back because you are searching for your spot...etc....and your pace....I will be lost in my tunes and my world for what I hope is a little less than 30 minutes!

Me time...

(this is long, but just something I have on my mind and writing about it gives perspective, I think) So feel free to pass this one up if you like. After all I do not try to please the masses, if I can help it...

I have one thing outside of Justin and Laila that I love and look forward to...what you say? Well it is very interesting and you will likely say that I am crazy...as I get that a lot...but I do love it(much more so when it is going well than when I am struggling- but I am learning to appreciate that as well). As time passes and I get over the hurdles of the 'leanring of it'; I enjoy it more and more and while I started it to loose weight... and I have some, but always seem to let it slip back on...one day that part will also catch up- I hope.



When will I loose significant weight you might ask? Well when I don't eat impulsively without recognizing it? When I don't finish whatever Laila does not manage to eat? When I don't eat because I am not sure when I will get to again? When I have little more time for myself...and when will this exactly be? not sure, totally but somewhere between Laila growing up and not needing me to wipe her behind when she goes to the bathroom and does not want me to just sit and watch Dora or play baby with her. So for now...it is merely something that I love and I think keeps me from being a whale! It is that time for me that makes me a little nicer, that I have come to look forward to and really miss when i cannot make it fit.



so what is this that i speak of?




Running!!! Never thought I would do anything like that....you know...be one of those people!



But in 2008 I destroyed my knee on a snow skiing trip...yes many of you lived with me and will never forget as I whined and struggled with the loss of power that i went through....that you helped me through and helped me be momma! But it was when Dr. Boyd- ortho said to me. Stop going to therapy, just do what feels good and if it hurts don't do it. yes truly great advice. I left ticked off and just knew that the 'hardware' in my leg HAD to come out and after all the money we had invested I knew this MUST happen before December 31st that year. Soooo, for nearly one month I did nothing, I mean no PT no exericse, nothing. And then I decided I had to prove I was right and I needed a goal...Why? because goals are how I achieve things...otherwise...it is just something you talk about doing....which at times over the past 2 years...it has been...something I talked about and planned to do. Because for whatever reason I was struggling with something and just could not make it happen. But in September of that year I set out to run as far as I could and I set November at the annual Sweet Potato Festival 5K as my goal. Well....I did great for a while...great for a struggling...use to be in shape mom of one..and husband who was working daylight to dark...but I did it. about three weeks before this run my running schedule went to pot and I was hitting and missing lots. I had told my husband about this plan and he made me keep this honest. As the week came for the run..the temperture dropped and it was like 30-40 degrees which was strikingly different from what I was 'used to' and I began to talk to myself and say...Hey...you should not do this...you have not been running enough, you don't have anyone going with you ( I had talked to a few people and no one was fully in- except Jonathan, my husband's cousin- ex college football player...and yes in MUCH better shape than me...so I would be miles behind him in a 3 mile run! And that week...hubby says to me...you have been working on this. You should do it. You should not give in. Just go do it. So on Wednesday of that week....I got mother in law Debra to watch Laila and off I struck...no distance measured out...just running. I ran all the 'safe' areas around our house at the time and then circled back and ran as much as I could...walking a lot and when I had to in order to survive....I got back home and checked in on Laila and said...ok I am going to drive what I just did and see how close I even am....when I drove back to driveway...the odometer...seriously clicked to 3.1 miles...well....I guess it is meant to be....So I signed up and mailed in my entry form and I was RUNNING on saturday.



The morning of the race I was sure it was a BAD idea... I was all alone...and not sure what the heck I was even thinking or doing really but it was my goal. Prove the knee was bad and needed more surgery to stop this daily or almost daily pain that I had...which by the way...running was the only time it didn't hurt...which was ODD! But I woke, settled Laila at my mom's had on my recently purchased 'outfit' from Walmart and watch...also walmart...and to town I went. I got there early..it was COLD...checked in..got my stuff...took it to the car and then I set out walking. I took...oh 3 trips to the port-a-potty...as I was nervous of needing to pee and not able to hold it in on the mommy struggling bladder....and found Jonathan at Machele's booth(his wife) I stuck close to him...as I HATE being alone in new adventures... just me.. Anyway, we are at the starting line and I see all the women, men, children, elders, etc...come and they ALL looked ready. Far more ready than me...and the anxiety rose...Gosh I wanted to run....but to my car and home. But I had told people that I was doing this and the pride of it was at hand. I knew the area...but not the course so I knew I would be safe and could find my way home...then there is THAT guy....you know the dude that comes out in shorty shorts with paint on his body and he is SERIOUS...that person that makes you think...I don't even want to be him..so why am I here??? Yep...just before we start out...he strips off the shirt and gets ready to run! EXIT!!!!! But again ...I KNOW people and I will look like failure...pride....served me well. Saw some people I never thought would be runners and they talked about not being sure butj ust came out anyway, had not run in while,...etc etc...so I say...Hey they have been running and think that they are not 'ready' for various reasons...so I gather in the BACK of the pack and get music ready....CHECK; watch...CHECK; oh gosh....gotta pee again....but CHECK...not happening as I have not clue when this thing will actually begin. SO I just find a spot and I wait.... Then it is here...time to start...the sound begins...I start running. Run for good little while...'sort of' with Jonathan until I realize...if I don't back off I WILL die...I will not make it...and making it is my only goal. I knew I would WALK. I knew I would be LAST. I knew lots...but yet was a nubee and was sure I would REGRET this but that little person that lives inside my head...said...You can do this! You are an athlete at heart and competative at heart and your husband will RAG you forever! So I keep it up! I realized later that I ran the first mile!!! Are you kidding me? I ran a mile without stopping? But at the time, I had no idea so pride kept me going. Slow people I had passed...passed me...and I was alone much of the race...quite sure I was at the end and by the time I reached the BIG 'are you kidding me hill' and I admit WALKED half way up it...I was sure this was bad idea..I was talking to myself just to keep going. I would run a while, then walk a while. There was nothing but doing it left and I was not sure how much farther I had to go..so I just pressed on....probably about the 2-2.5 mile mark....I met ' THE SHORTY SHORTS GUY' and I was struggling...visually struggling...and he says to me...( I was even walking when I met him) he says...chop chop....Seriously dude? I WILL run and catch you and take you out!!! I was ticked...but I did start back running and I was annoyed at him the entire rest of the time. This cycled with my thinking....dear lord...DO I HAVE TO TURN around up here somewhere and go BACK????? Cause remember I was so new that I had no idea just how far 3 miles was. I was sure that it was something I could do ONE time...and that was the previous Wednesday night. I was hot and sweating and it was cold and this dude was turning around. While I didn't meet others...I was not sure what this meant...but I would walk and then run as much as I could trying to get to the end. I was also trying very hard to SAVE just enough to run across the finish line...PRIDE...remember! It was after I made the turn at the library for those of you that know Vardaman...and I could see it....WOOOOHOOOO the finish line!!! Have I survived this? By golly I think I have...So I dug deep... oh yea forget to mention I failed to set the watch that I had previously checked! I ran across the finish line...Jonathan, who was almost done sweating when I crossed, but I did it...I crossed the finish line without medical attention! And in 34 minutes!!! Are you kidding me? I was pleased...because this time was soooo much better than I had ever done...again new...and better than I ever imagined...which meant I pushed myself WAAAY too hard but I was so green it wasn't funny!


So that was the first race that I ever ran. And while I have not ran just loads of them. I am enjoying them more and more and looking forward to doing more than just stuff very local to home, etc. I did thoroughly enjoy running the Race for Hope- Brain Tumor awareness in Brewer community outside of Tupelo. I had never ran for a REASON before and I much enjoyed it. I cried that day as I watched a few survivors overcome odds MUCH bigger than my...I am too tired, etc of excuses. One of my friend's dads was at the finish line...and again I WAS struggling BAD....but it was his wife that I was running for....and he was cheering and that made me push and crossing the line that day...well it was a different feeling of accomplishment! Not a self accomplishment but just something different. I am tenatively planning to run the St. Jude 5k in December of this year. I love that charity and think that it will be a great one....and I LOVE to run in the cold actually. I think it is because this was when I began running and I just do better in the cold!

So, why post this...well, lots of reasons...it is a big part of what makes me me, not that running defines me...because it doesn't. But rather that taking some time out of my hectic daily momma routine and wife duties and nurse pracitioner long days...running is just for me. It helps me clear my head, it helps me have energy to do all those things I love more than life! It helps me not be so snappy with Laila- cause I do love her every minute...but you know! It just makes me nicer...'so said hubby one day when I had not been in a while' and that was a day that I began owning that this is something really good for me. So if I have not lost tons of weight...it isn't a total wash. I am better shape than I was before I got pregnant with Laila...even though abuot the same size. I am healthier and happier for sure!

The biggest reason for writing this...is just to take credit for where I have been. I do see running to be something that I continue in the future. I do hope that one day Laila will notice the value that I place on physical fitness and that this is important for yourself and your self esteem as well as your health and I would love to think that one day she will join me for a run and that will be just something else that we can do together and have fun!

And if she struggles half as much as I did when she starts...it will be very funny for her to be able to read about how I got started and the shear idiot I was for my first 5K....but hey..you have to start somewhere...and after crossing the finish line that day...I knew I wanted to do it again. WHile I have been through more than a few lapses in the past 2 years iwth my running. I am committed now more than ever to keep the feet moving on the pavement. I look forward to accomplishing new goals...I have always been commited in my head but there have been some streches where the weight of all those daily responsibilities have worn me into a couch potato who is only a runner in her HEAD! This is funny to say but truth lies in it. I do stray at times and take a break but always...I am planning when I will begin again!

Just like all the other things in my life. I take it one day at a time. But I sure am enjoying the sweating it out. Does not make sense when you are just starting for sure...but it is rewarding to get out there and at the end of the run...you have started your day with ONE thing checked off and done! Now, telling myself that at 4:15 AM!!!! Well that is more difficult to acheive....but once I am up and into the first mile...BOY I sure am glad that I came!

For now...just enjoying that I can run 3.1 miles without stopping or thinking I might die....

I read something this week that struck me as I was working on this post...

"Freedom really isn't about release from responsibilities;
it's about the status of your heart in the midst of it"

For me this made sense in a different way than the writer of it...but yet in similar way I think. For me...this made sense...because my morning runs are a quick 'freedom' from my responsibilities. No work, no phone calls at 4:45 AM, Laila is tucked into bed and if she wakes...she will go crawl in with her daddy who is also sleeping, not taking away from time I could spend fully devoted to Justin, and for just a little while. I am JUST Jennifer again. I am certainly NOT saying that I want to or would change my life. I love it just the way it is!!!! But in the everyday wear and tear....I just need a minute. I did NOT get it when my momma said that. but I DO now! A minute is ALL any mom, real mom, really wants, needs, or can possibly stand. For example, If Justin comes in and takes Laila out to feed the ducks or something to give me a break...while I am often elbow deep in some task and greatly appreciate the gesture...and often times welcome it, or get irritated because he doesn't do it...In the quiet of my house...I realize...I don't want to be alone. I want him to need me, I want her to need me...and I miss them both like crazy ...when I get a minute to myself and realize....I don't want alone time...not really! So for now...running in the early morning hours with my fellow wives and mothers or future mothers...that is the me time I would like. I do not like to take myself out of the normal hustle and bustle...cause I just might miss something!