Today I am breaking my blog silence and linking up with Heather at Just wait til you have kids....that I discovered through some mommy blogs I LOVE to read.
for those that are just stopping by...My name is Jennifer. I am a Nurse Practitioner. My husband and I met in college at Mississippi State University and have been married for 8 years. We have a 5 year old daughter named Laila and 4 month of boy girl twins, Cash and Livy James.
Here is to hoping that this post will spur me out of the NO posting I have been doing. We got the babies home and life HAPPENED. They are now 4 months old. Growing and happy and FINALLY sleeping through the night consistently enough that I will say it aloud.
After a BATTLE with major post partum depression that i must have ignored despite the fact that I thought I was 'paying attention' and 'watching myself closely for the need for meds' I now, (that I am medicated with my friend MR ZOLOFT), realize that I was much sicker than I thought and I had been sick for much longer that I thought. See I thought that twins were just HARDER than one and that I was overwhelmed becuase it was different and it WASN'T our plan and my reading of other twin mom blogs is something that made me question myself soooo much. I saw how happy others were and they seemed to be handling it all great. I wasn't I was battling loving my babies but not liking them! Now that I am me again.....they are precious and I am handling them just fine. But the dark days weren't that long ago and are certainly part of my story.
See I think in many ways the darkness began creeping in through THE STORY......
The fast forwarded version. We had a 4 year old daughter that we concieved without any trouble and life was grand. I planned it all out. We built a house and got settled and waited til just the right time because I wanted to fully enjoy the second pregnancy.....after bedrest for 3 months with said daughter I was determined it would be different. HA. God sooooo has a way of showing us who is boss! We didn't get pregnant right away and I just knew that something was off with my body. After 6 months, i talked with doctor and told him I didn't think I was ovulating....and much to my dismay....learned I was right. Dr B recommended trial of CLomid or Femara.....we ultimately chose Femara becuase it was less likely to result in multiples.....waited one month before even trying it and then BAM first month.....tada! pregnant. I was sick at 6 1/2 weeks and husband joked that he knew why I was so sick...said it was twins. HA ha ha! Then 10 weeks....went to the doctor and there they were...two sacks! Alone becuase I told hubby there was no reason for him to take off work for first visit....I went alone! Little did we realize .....that twins were actually 'in' my family and the sets of twins didn't show up until AFTER we found out. My mother's side of the family has lots of twins but we don't see them often and didn't know all those cousins iwth TWINS!!! So quite possibly, it wasn't Femara but good ole genetics...nevertheless....we got 'em. I was ok at first, then after 24 hour shock wore off. I was NOT good. I didn't want twins. Could not take care of them. Didn't know what to do, how we would afford them, ETC! As time passed I embraced idea and got excited.
Given my history...i knew bedrest would come and it did...first we just had one hospital trip around 18 weeks and I went to 20 hours a week in Sept 2011. Then Nov 28th I worked...november 29th drove myself to get 'checked out' again told hubs I was good to go alone....go on to your dentist appointment only to call and say....hey I am in labor and delivery and dilated! Where I stayed for 6 days.....then home for 14 days strict bedrest....and back in hospital on December 19th where I stayed in the bed for 14 days...holding on to every second we could buy with babies in tummy! The wait was over January 2, 2012 at 32 weeks 6 days weighing 4-3 Cash was born at 10:29 pm, and weighing 3-14 Livy James arrived just one minute later!
They are so precious and i cannot imagine our lives without them. But there have been many of difficult days getting to the point.
I am a busy working mama just getting back to work and I do love every minute of it. this isn't great picture but it is the newest one of them on my phone....and I can't get it turned right....so there you go...just a dose of MoM reality...go with the flow and take it how it comes and with a SMILE!