Thursday, May 30, 2013

I haven't posted in forever.
So that should speak volumes.
I read this blog post through another Twin mom I follow on IG.
She's a rock star for all she does daily.
I don't know her personally.
I have never utilized ANY social media, until I had twins...
I needed others input that were going through same stuff.
It helps me to feel more normal, less crazy, less loosing it.
But you don't have to have twins to be overwhelmed.
Being mama PEROID can and will do this.
I've had tough time lately.
This post I read, made me cry.
It's so true.
So I'm sharing it just in case you needed to hear it today, too!

Go read   'Stretched too Thin'. I think it's just the message/reminder I've been needing. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

MoM :Twin Pregnancy

I'm linking up later, since it is alreay Wednesday from Mondays...MoM tell me about your twin pregnancy 

Go there to check out other MoM stories. I am enjoying reading about all the MoM stories out there!

 Hope you enjoy my story and maybe it will help someone who is going through the same thing.  It was the most difficult, trying time of our lives, but through it, we grew as people, we grew as Christians, and most definately grew as a family! My husband showed strength and caring natures that surprised me even after 12 years...

I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks with home pregnancy test after trying for a while and we were excited. Hoping for a boy this time, etc. Didn't tell family for a while with plans to wait until 12 weeks or at least after first OB visit and US with good heart beat. Around 6 1/2 weeks I got SICK, like major sick. Called doctor and begged for some relief.  I suffered through and took phenergan and some Zofran and even managed to continue some of my running. But because I was so sick and my middle was little thicker and it was summer, we opted to tell our families and all were excited. 
Then at 10 1/2 weeks I went for my first visit. My husband had joked and said a week before that he knew why I was so sick, and said that it was beacuase I was having two.  NOT funny joke and never another thought.  THe night before I went for US appointment we sat at supper and I said, well I guess I will know by 2 o'clock tomorrow if it is twins or not.  HA HA HA!
I went for my visit alone because Justin was busy flying and I knew I would be ok alone.  So off I went. Met my friend Heather for lunch and we even joked about twins and no other thoughts about it.  Then on to Dr B's and sitting in waiting room I was peacefully reading magazine and saw a twin breastfeeding pillow and didn't think one thing about know how you check out all the cool new gear that they didn't have during your last pregnancy, etc.  Then it was time for  US. Up on the table I went and smiling and the girl puts the transducer on my tummy....and there it was...or they were rather!  Two sacks. Clear as daylight!  I turned my head sideways trying to make it be anything but that and I that....two???? she said, yes it is!  I said....Holy s*#@!  and she laughed and my heart began to beat one million miles a minute!  We finished and I returned to waiting room staring at those pictures and not being able to share with anyone.  I know the lady sitting beside me had to think....awe poor thing she is pregnant and alone and shocked!!  Cause I just stared. I texted Justin to see if he was going to be done flying anytime soon and waited to hear. Of course he called just as Dr B came in.  He offered to let me get it but I told him I would just wait. Finsihed visit and as I was leaving I called justin. I had decided I really wanted to see his face so I was just trying to be vague...then he it's just one? I you really want to know?  And told him it was two!  And then REALITY set in for us both.  Mixed emotions and happiness and boy did we have a clue of what was to come?  Nothing truly prepares you for what was ahead.

At 18 weeks I had my first episode of contractions. I knew what it was, I had PTL with our daughter.  One Friday night justin came home after a LOOONG day of flying, he showered and he was in the bed at 8 o'clock only to have me get him up to make the hour and 15 minute trip to the hospital.  I had already argued with L&D nurse AND the doctor on call about what was going on with me...and then stuck having to go through the ER because as the nurse put it...'Honey, your babies aren't even viable' !! Boy, do I still wish I could teach her a thing or TWO!  After over and hour in ER up to L&D I went.  Fluids and some pain meds to calm my angry uterus later...I went home the next morning I stayed home from work til I saw Dr B the following Tuesday. At which point we reduced my working time to 20 hours a week.  All was great and I did very well for a long while. As time passed, I could tell I had to do less and less or else suffer consequences. I drank water by the literal truck loads and only did absolutely necessary tasks. Justin took over household tasks, my maid came weekly and I rested as much as possible.  We saw Perinatolgist around 19 weeks and that was when my husband decided he did want to know what we were having....we had previously decided we didn;t want to know.  The best of the know best machine...tell you if babies look normal or anything to worry's two girls!  We left there happy they were healthy but shocked that we would be haivng 3 girls for the rest of our lives. No little boys, 3 girl WEDDINGS, 3 girl's drama...etc!  But were happy nonetheless!  Told my husband god knew he was such a good girl daddy and knew he was up for the job and we went on.  Then two days later I returned to reg OB for my big US there and appointment and the US chick asked if we were going to find out what the babies were and I said...we did! She said oh really?  I told her about visit and girls, etc. She looked little shocked but tried to hide it ( she had looked at previous US for what she had thought)  We go in and she looks and after looking and looking...she says..Jennifer, THAT IS A BOY!  She didn't want to go against the Perinatologist....but had thought at 14 weeks that it was boy/ girl and still saw boy parts....AGain I was alone becuase Justin was setting his potatoes and couldn't leave it again in the same I call him and explain what she thought...needless to say, he thought she couldn't be right and it took a while for him to believe it.  But as time moved on he did. 
Moving on, we went to DISNEY, yes I did....for a trip that was planned before we even found out we were pregnant...the second week of November.  My husband made me ride a scooter...YES I did!  Because it was so much better than the alternative. We did my first FFN before going on the trip also and DR B was ok with it all. I made it through that trip easier than I had been making it through work even. No contractions and it was great. But while we were there I started having some right hip pain. Like couldn't get up pain. I thought it was just because I had only been sitting for a week and so one day I walked off and on and took it easy.  We made it home from disney, had follow up appointment that week and all was well. Cervical length was holding etc.!  Every visit was going well with good measurements and negative FFN's and I was beginning to be encouraged that the contractions I had were just annoying!  Then Thanksgiving came and it was getting harder and harder to get through days and I even took some rest days at home hoping I just needed to rest after the holiday. I went to work on Monday November 28th and took it very easy. Just did paperwork and left early cause I was hurting more than I had and just knew to take it easy.  Well the next morning I woke and told hubby to take Laila to school and I was going to call Doc.  I did and my doctor was on call and returned my call. Told me to come on by office and get checked out. I made the trip alone(sent hubby on to his dental appointment) thinking he would just say....everything still looks good etc....just like it had been...just needed reassurance....In the office, I was contracting on monitor.  In came doc, checked me...I was 1 cm!!!!!!! UGH!! Are you kidding me? I had a one way ticket to L&D! Where I spent the next 6 days!  WE started with just fluids, and couple of doses of Procardia, etc....and then MAGNESIUM!  Being an old L&D nurse I knew what this meant....but just like twins.. NOthing and I mean NOTHING prepares you for how you really feel when you are on it!  But I survived and did well with it all. Finally I was stable enough to go home on strict bedrest.  Like a shower every other day bedrest.  Which went really well for 14 days exactly...and then one morning, I just could not get the contractions to stop. Despite my Procardia around the clock, drinking tons of water, strict bedrest, and prn Lortab.  So we were off to clinic then hospital again and this time I was 2-3 cm and not going home!  We were pleased that we had gotten as far as we had....but I still wanted more days....I was terrified of delievering early. We had dodged having to be transfered to level 3 hospital during our last stay and gotten 3 more weeks. But I wanted more! Every US was scary because the babies still were not measuring 4 pounds.  I was put back on Magnesium and had to be on even higher doses and eventually maximum dose plus boluses just to get my angry uterus calmed down and still even was contracting 4-6 times an hour. 
Everyone in North MS was praying for us and we sure felt their the days passed by we continued to be blessed. I spent Christmas in the hospital.  I didn't shower for 9 days!!! YES 9 DAYS! because any acitivity stirred my body.  Christmas EVE I announced that I was showering that day!  Dr B blessed me and granted my wish!  I got to 32 weeks and Dr b....came in that morning and talked about how he was so pleased we had made that milestone, he checked me and I was 3-4 cm and holding....still contracting every hour but as long as it was 6 or less he was ok.  But he basically talked like we were lucky to have gotten there and most babies born at or after 32 weeks did fine....and then he took a call. When he returned to my room....resumed his speech and then I did it.  I exploded into a hormonal crying fit. I told him I wasn't giving up!!!!!! I told him I wanted every minute that I could with them in my tummy. That he had agreed to wait until I was 4 cm and not stopping with meds.  I had a MELTDOWN!  I refused to give up. I didn't want them to be sick, etc....he backed down and said he didn't realize I was so determined and he would in fact wait until those terms but wasn't hopeful for much more. He told my nurse he thought it was be any time now and left.  He also was stopping the demerol and phenergan when/if my next IV of course I kept that IV until we could not give another dose through it. It was red and very painful but I lied many days and smiled through the meds going in cause it was the only thing keepign the contractions at bay.  I continued on Procardia around the clock.  With the IV I begged to have Magnesium again...believe it or not....and he explained that I had alreay had twice as much Mag as anyone should ever have in their lifetime and that with each time it is harder on the body, etc....which I believed because it was soooo much worse the second time.  Much to his dismay he did allow me to have TWO doses of Brethine shots a day but required them to be given 12 hours apart but stopped these at 32 weeks also because of the risk of pulmonary edema for me.  We made it to 32 weeks and 6 days.  I literally didn't shower for 8 days this time because for insurance purposes we were hoping to just get to MN on NYE....and any other day we could get but with the passing days I had more and more contractions. DR B refrained from checking me....I think for fear that I would have another meltdown! Then NY day I showered....I could not take it anymore!  I could tell that my time was drawing near and i was surprised with all my contractions that Dr B wasn't checking me. Every time he came I just knew he would check me and say I was over 4 and we would have the c-section.  But he didn't then January 2nd came.  I had rough day, lots of contractions took all the meds and timed them as much as I could to controll. He came by that evening and I was prepared to be checked and have the babies. Justin had gone home and I was debating having him come back but was waiting to talk to Dr B because we had discussed that if at all possible he would wait for him to get there in event of delievery.  He came in and I explained how much worse they were, etc...he ordered some more meds and said that we would just watch me....decided to have justin come and just watch 9 o'clock that night I agreed to take another dose of Morphine in attempts to stop contractions BUT only under the condition that he wouldn't come in and want to section my sleepy babies....So I insisted the nurse call dr and explain my terms....he then opted to return and check me....I was hurting with the contractions and contracting every 3-4 minutes.  I was 4-5 cm and he called it! AT 10:29 pm Cash arrived, and 10:30 pm Livy James followed! 

34 days of strict bedrest, 20 of which were in hospital bed with my legs higher than my belly....many IV's two runs of Magnesium and lots and lots of drugs to stop them and only 2 showers during last two weeks....

the babies were here!  They were both in NICU and stayed for 25 days.  They were intubated and given surfactant and then only required Oxygen for 6 hours....they did well and came home at 25 days old on apnea monitors.  Cash had lots of swallowing issues but this was corrected with adding cereal to his breastmilk.  He had an episode a couple of weeks later where he got strangled VERY bad and I had to do CPR. It was scary loooong days of not sleeping and the not sleeping ultimately landed me with a HORRIBLE case of post partum depression....but ZOLOFT loaded up....I am much more myself and the babies are sleeping all night and just yesterday weighing in at 15-10(Cash) and 11-8 (Livy James)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

My Story

Today I am breaking my blog silence and linking up with Heather at Just wait til you have kids....that I discovered through some mommy blogs I LOVE to read.

for those that are just stopping by...My name is Jennifer. I am a Nurse Practitioner. My husband and I met in college at Mississippi State University and have been married for 8 years.  We have a 5 year old daughter named Laila and 4 month of boy girl twins, Cash and Livy James.


Here is to hoping that this post will spur me out of the NO posting I have been doing.  We got the babies home and life HAPPENED. They are now 4 months old. Growing and happy and FINALLY sleeping through the night consistently enough that I will say it aloud.

After a BATTLE with major post partum depression that i must have ignored despite the fact that I thought I was 'paying attention' and 'watching myself closely for the need for meds'  I now, (that I am medicated with my friend MR ZOLOFT), realize that I was much sicker than I thought and I had been sick for much longer that I thought.  See I thought that twins were just HARDER than one and that I was overwhelmed becuase it was different and it WASN'T our plan and my reading of other twin mom blogs is something that made me question myself soooo much.  I saw how happy others were and they seemed to be handling it all great.  I wasn't I was battling loving my babies but not liking them!  Now that I am me again.....they are precious and I am handling them just fine. But the dark days weren't that long ago and are certainly part of my story. 

See I think in many ways the darkness began creeping in through THE STORY...... 

The fast forwarded version.  We had a 4 year old daughter that we concieved without any trouble and life was grand. I planned it all out. We built a house and got settled and waited til just the right time because I wanted to fully enjoy the second pregnancy.....after bedrest for 3 months with said daughter I was determined it would be different. HA.  God sooooo has a way of showing us who is boss!  We didn't get pregnant right away and I just knew that something was off with my body.  After 6 months, i talked with doctor and told him I didn't think I was ovulating....and much to my dismay....learned I was right.  Dr B recommended trial of CLomid or Femara.....we ultimately chose Femara becuase it was less likely to result in multiples.....waited one month before even trying it and then BAM first month.....tada!  pregnant.  I was sick at 6 1/2 weeks and husband joked that he knew why I was so sick...said it was twins.  HA ha ha! Then 10 weeks....went to the doctor and there they were...two sacks! Alone becuase I told hubby there was no reason for him to take off work for first visit....I went alone! Little did we realize .....that twins were actually 'in' my family and the sets of twins didn't show up until AFTER we found out.  My mother's side of the family has lots of twins but we don't see them often and didn't know all those cousins iwth TWINS!!!  So quite possibly, it wasn't Femara but good ole genetics...nevertheless....we got 'em.  I was ok at first, then after 24 hour shock wore off.  I was NOT good. I didn't want twins. Could not take care of them. Didn't know what to do, how we would afford them, ETC!  As time passed I embraced idea and got excited. 

Given my history...i knew bedrest would come and it did...first we just had one hospital trip around 18 weeks and I went to 20 hours a week in Sept 2011. Then Nov 28th I worked...november 29th drove myself to get 'checked out'  again told hubs I was good to go alone....go on to your dentist appointment only to call and say....hey I am in labor and delivery and dilated!  Where I stayed for 6 days.....then home for 14 days strict bedrest....and back in hospital on December 19th where I stayed in the bed for 14 days...holding on to every second we could buy with babies in tummy!  The wait was over January 2, 2012 at 32 weeks 6 days weighing 4-3 Cash was born at 10:29 pm, and weighing 3-14 Livy James arrived just one minute later!

They are so precious and i cannot imagine our lives without them.  But there have been many of difficult days getting to the point. 

I love hearing other stories of other MoM and it helps to keep me grounded.  I should do better about posting but the above....DEPRESSION monster is certainly the reason for my inability to be motivated enough to post anything. 

I am a busy working mama just getting back to work and I do love every minute of it.  this isn't great picture but it is the newest one of them on my phone....and I can't get it turned there you go...just a dose of MoM reality...go with the flow and take it how it comes and with a SMILE!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Birth story in pictures....

The day before 32 weeks 5 days.... shower day!!

Daddy preparing moments before c-section.....

Cash Michael....

Livy James and her daddy's hand...

More to come later.....tomorrow we start extended care and hope to bring two healthy growing babies home with us!!!

Friday, January 13, 2012

What the wades have been doing?

Cash back to birth weight. Livy James gained another ounce last night and is over her birth weight.

Cash had rough feeding last night and his oxygen sats dropped into 80's...momma bear refused to leave until baby boy looked better...nurse called doctor ski....he ordered labs and cultures and restarted his IV and antibiotics. Today he was his sweet little self and fed pretty good at his bottle feeding attempt. Livy James sucked the whole bottle down...35 cc in 10 minutes...she only needed short breather in middle!

Can't wait to make the hour and 15 minute drive tomorrow!!!!

I will post pictures when i slow down long enough to sit at the lap top.

Our lives revolve around car rides to drop Laila off, pick her up, and visit our other two babies....I'm not complaining. God has blessed us with 3 children to watch over , comfort, protect, and love....that has to be a blessing even though I'm exhausted...

Thursday, January 5, 2012

They are here...

It's been busy, happened rather quickly, yet we had plenty of time to ready ourselves....full story to come....

But Monday January 2, 2012 @10:29&10:30 was finally stopping the contractions after trying all that was left up our sleeves since noon that day....

By cesarean section....Cash Michael & Livy James arrived!

4lbs 3 oz and 17 inches ------Cash
3 lbs 14 oz and 17 inches------Livy James

Crying after delivery....what a beautiful sound to my ears!!!!!

God continues to bless our ever growing thank you for all the prayers....and please keep them coming! It's working and I feel it everyday!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

NYE, 32 weeks &4days...thankful

On the last day of 2011....

I wake up to two squirming babies...and my husband sleeping quietly on the 'couch' in labor&delivery for the 13th day in a row.....and as difficult as theses days have been...

Being away from Laila, missing Christmas totally, spending a total of 33 days on strict bed rest ...19 of which have been in hospital...

I find myself thankful....

Thankful that Laila has handled this like a champ...
Thankful Justin has a job that allows him to be here with me( remind me of this when he is so busy I never see him come summer and I have two babies to care for)...
Thankful to still have a great big ole belly full of growing babies...
Thankful my health is good despite the bed rest and medications I've had to take...
Thankful for loving supportive families that Justin and I have....
Thankful for all of God's blessings...

I hope everyone else is as thankful for the things they have bu most importantly the life they are blessed with. As the clock strikes midnight tonight and 2011 is gone and 2012 arrives...I'm not certain if I'll still have two blessings growing in my tummy...but I sure hope so.... No matter what, I'm going to be thankful for ALL the prayers we have received and blessings our family has witnessed this year!

Here is to a Happy New Year and a bright 2012 to come!